A search for answers
by SpectreStatus
Summary: Set after the events of me3. How does Liara struggle to come to terms with the death of Shepard... or is he really dead? Featuring our favourite characters and a few new ones. Bioware owns all. Second attempt at fanfic, the other one failed big style. Let me know what you think. M for the future.. And possible bad language later.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Staring defiantly at the small metallic plaque she held in her hand; Dr Liara T'soni was revisiting old wounds that had barely healed.  
_"Goddess, he can't be gone... Not again"._ She thought to herself as she traced her fingertips over a name that had held her heart for almost 4 years.  
A faint smile traced across her lips, thinking of old times.

She was a lot different back then. She had an aura of innocence about her. This past few years had not been kind to her and it was clearly evident.

Everything reminded her of Shepard. From the terminal in her office which he conveniently came to check every day. To Glyph; the shadow brokers information drone. It would always seem to grab Shepard's attention and interrupt whatever Liara was saying at the time.

Brushing datapads out of her way; she sluggishly lifted herself from her bed and made her way towards her private terminal.

Delicately placing the plaque on he desk; her tired eyes scanned the terminal for the hundredth time;

-  
_**From: Lt. Commander Williams  
To: (Redacted)**_

_Sorry Liara.  
Here if you need to talk...  
Ash_

-  
_**Fwd:**_

_**From: Admiral Hackett  
To: Lt. Commander Williams**_

_The crucible was successful; the reapers are non-responsive.  
I wish I had better news.  
Our scanners indicate Commander Shepard was on the crucible when it fired. There was a resulting explosion. Shepard is presumed KIA. Rescue teams have scoured the site continuously since the blast and have found no evidence of life.  
Admiral Anderson was in the vicinity and was KIA._

_I'm sorry for your loss, he did the impossible._

_Return to Earth ASAP to help with recovery efforts._

_-Hackett_.

A small knock on the door broke her concentration and she turned just as a purple figure entered the room.

Nervously rubbing her hands together, the quarian said; "Liara, sorry to disturb you. Are you alright? No, of course you're not alright. Uhm, we thought we should let you know that the service is starting soon."

Turning her head back to her terminal, her eyes laid upon the silver plaque laying on her desk. Running her fingertips over it once more, the Asari responded; her voice clearly distraught.  
"I know Tali." The Asari said as she let out a whimpering sigh.

Distressed to see her close friend going through so much pain, the quarian slowly inched her way forward and placed a hand on the Asari's shoulder.

With an encouraging squeeze, the quarian tried to console her friend; "Shepard would not want this. He would not want you to feel this way. Keelah, he loved you. He would hate to think he caused you this much pain."

Delicately placing a small, blue hand on top of the quarian's, the Asari wiped a single tear from her eye.  
"I always had my fears it would end this way. But Shepard refused to let me think that way. He promised..."  
The Asari whimpered, unable to contain her emotions any more.  
"I never thought it would end this way; he helped me believe in better. I guess people like us were not meant to have a happy ending."

She removed her hand from Tali's, buried her face in her hands and released the barrage of emotions that had been building up ever since she laid eyes on Shepard again on Mars.

Kneeling beside the Asari and taking a hand in hers, the quarian gently said; "Thats good, you need to let it out." Gently stroking her thumb on Liara's hand, she continued to try to comfort her friend.  
"It is hard for all of us... He.. Shepard meant a great deal to all of us. If it weren't for him... He helped get my home planet back Liara."

Her voice slightly cracking, she took a breath to compose herself before she continued; "He did a great deal for everyone he knew. And everyone he didn't. We will never forget him and the galaxy will never forget the sacrifices he made to make it safer for all of us."

The quarian put a hand under the Asari's chin and moved her face, revealing Liara's ocean blue eyes that were bloodshot and watering.  
"But it is important for us to try to get used to a galaxy without Shepard. He would not want us to be upset for him."

The quarian picked up the silver plaque and placed it in the trembling hands of the Asari.

"Which is why we need to honour him. We need to... We need to say goodbye Liara."

Liara stared blankly at the metal plaque, a few of her tears gently rolling onto her beloved's name and trickling into her lap. Noticing the concerned posture of her friend, the Asari dried her tears and responded; "I understand what you are saying Tali. And I appreciate what you are trying to do. But I cannot say goodbye to Shepard."

Bringing her eyes; a fire reignited, to meet the faceplate of the quarian's environmental suit, she took a breath and continued; "Whilst I have gone over the facts several times, I cannot rule out the possibility that Shepard is still with us. His body has not been recovered."

The quarian bowed her head, breaking eye contact with Liara.

The Asari stood up and began pacing around her cabin, weighing out facts and figures.  
"I know the chances are slim Tali, I know. But I have to hope. I just need to find the answer. I lost him before but I got him back. I got him back because I couldn't let him go..."

The quarian stood up and embraced her friend.  
"What if the answer you get is not the one you are looking for Liara... I saw what it did to you before."

The Asari slowly backed away from her friend and returned to her seat, beginning to open a new comm on her terminal.  
"I have to hope Tali. He promised me he would return."

Knowing she could not convince her friend otherwise, the quarian began to leave the room looking deflated.  
"If you need anything... Someone to talk to. You know where I am."

The Asari nodded as Tali left the room.

Activating her comm, the Asari spoke into a voice modifier; deepening and distorting her voice. "This is the shadow broker. Communications have been slightly disrupted, but expect to be repaired soon. I need updates from all operatives within the vicinity of Earth. I want all resources focused on gathering intel on the crucible. Locating Commander Shepard is a priority. I expect damage reports within the next solar day. Shadow broker out."

Ending the comm, the Asari let her eyes trail once more over the silver plaque.

_"I will get my answers Shepard. And I will not let you go."_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for all of your your kind words, they have been a great encouragement. Its nice to know I'm doing alright ;)  
I already know exactly where this story is headed... Hopefully you all enjoy it as it is a bit daring.**_

* * *

Chapter Two

Sighing as she exited Liara's cabin, Tali shook her head and rested a hand on top of her helmet.  
_"Keelah, how is she going to get through this again"_. She thought to herself as she tried to bury old memories of how Liara reacted to Shepard's previous death.

_Standing outside Liara's apartment on Illium; the quarian paced back and forth, trying to decide what her next move should be.  
"I really should check on Liara, it was unusual for her to not attend Shepard's funeral. But no, she said she needed space from us... She needed time to herself to grieve. She said we reminded her of Shepard and it was too painful for her. Right, that's it then."_

_The quarian began to back away from the door before her conscience got the better of her.  
"No, it's not right to leave her, something could be wrong... She would be there for me if I needed her."_

_Nervously edging her way towards the front door, Tali took a deep breath and placed a reluctant finger on the doorbell._

_After several anxious moments without response, the quarian activated her omni-tool and aimed it towards the door.  
"I need to check on her... I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I 'let myself in'."  
Her fingers dancing all over the keyboard, Tali began to hack Liara's door.  
"Come on you bosh'tet... Oh." The quarian said as the door unlocked and whooshed open._

_"Uhm, Liara..." The quarian called out apprehensively, poking her head inside and scanning the apartment for any sign of her friend._

_After no response, Tali made her way in deeper. Reaching the living area of the apartment, she stumbled upon a worrying sight._

_Liara was sitting at a private terminal; datapads piled up around her. Empty packets of stims littering the once pristinely cleaned apartment._

_Enthralled in her screen, the Asari didn't notice Tali's presence in the room._

_"Liara!" The quarian enforced, causing the Asari to jump and spin round making eye contact with the Tali._

_"Keelah." The quarian said; unable to hide her concerns._

_Liara's face was pale, sickly looking and gaunt. The usually well kept Asari's clothes seemed stale and untidy. Her once vivid, beautiful blue eyes were void of emotion; swollen, red and missing the sparkle Tali had become so used to seeing within them._

_"Keelah." Tali thought, breaking eye contact. Unable to see her friend in such a distressing state._

"Tali?" A soft voice and a tender hand upon her shoulder broke her from the memory that had been plaguing her. "Any luck?"

Throwing her arms around the unsuspecting turian offering her support, Tali sobbed and held onto her love; ashamed to be relieved it was not him who she had to bid farewell to.

"Garrus, it was horrible. It's happening again, I couldn't... We can't help her."

Bringing his arms around the dainty waist of the quarian, Garrus tried to console her; "It's ok. All we can do is be there for her. We owe it to Shepard... To both of them... To at least try."

Breaking away from their embrace, Tali ran a hand over the scarred face of the turian; "I know, thank you. I wish Shepard were here. He would know what to do."

Removing the quarian's hand from his face and interlacing it with his own, the turian stared lovingly at Tali and said; "I know. Liara just needs some space for now. We will be there for her when she needs us. We won't allow her to fall like she did before."

Turning behind him and looking at the large group gathering at the memorial wall, he begin to lead Tali towards it; "Come on... We have someone to say goodbye to."

Taking a lasting look at the distraught group lingering around the wall, Garrus took a deep breath and sighed. _"Meet you at the bar... My friend"._

Meanwhile in an undisclosed location...

The sound of monitors beeping steadily fill a white, sterile room. Situated in the middle is a large operating table with several machines hooking up to the remains of a heavily injured body.  
Covered in burns and scar tissue; what was once a human male is now covered in medical gauze and unrecognisable.

The door opens and two figures step into the room.

"Proceed as planned." A tall, muscular woman said in a thick French accent.  
She had long, golden hair; tumbling over one shoulder and resting on top of skin tight, black armour. Her emerald green eyes stared menacingly at her companion; framed by various scars scattering her feminine features. The most prominent; a scar running through her lips; making her intimidating scowl appear much more dangerous.

Fumbling the datapad in his hands; "Y-yes ma'am." A man in a doctors coat replied. He was small, unremarkable and appeared to be unnerved by the unwanted scrutiny of the woman beside him.

Moving towards the disfigured body, the doctor gulped and hesitantly mentioned; "Uhm, if you don't mind me saying... He isn't fully healed. If we wake him up now there could be severe compli-"

"Proceed as planned!" The woman boomed; a static flicker emerging from her body, causing the doctors hairs to stand on end.

With trembling hands he removed a syringe from a nearby table and injected a bright blue liquid into the arm of the disfigured body.

Almost instantly the machines started beeping erratically. Clearly in a state of panic, the doctor fumbled for another syringe, filled with a clear liquid.

"Wait". The woman said calmly.

After several moments the beeping became slower until it returned to normal levels. The woman opened her omni-tool, and performed a scan on the body.  
With a small, devilish grin she unholstered her paladin pistol and aimed it towards the unsuspecting doctor who was busy looking at the readings from the machines.

"Cerberus thanks you for your hard work". She said before she fired a single bullet, shattering the skull of the doctor.

She calmly walked over to the side of the scarred body, her face contorted in disgust when she got a full view of the state it was in. Charred and barely alive.

His breathing shallow and strained; she delicately placed an oxygen mask on top of his mouth. Two bright blue eyes fluttered open and met her piercing gaze.

"Get... Me... Shepard". His eyes closed again, hiding away the only human feature that remained of this man.

The woman immediately stepped away and opened her comm.  
"This is operative Belle, all undercover units are to proceed to the citadel and recover Commander Shepard. This is priority one. Belle out."

With a glancing smile over her shoulder at the disfigured man, she exited the room and passed two heavily armed soldiers guarding the door.  
"Clean up the mess in there and alert Dr. Cain."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

**12 hours later...**

Overlooking a vast view of the presidium; the feeling of peace and serenity is overwhelming. Exotic flora expose delicate flowers, wafting a tranquil scent around the pastel surroundings.

A single bird; with vivid blue and yellow colourings fights with a large pink flower to gain access to the precious nectar inside.

_"Fascinating. I have not seen a bird with such colourings before. When I am back I must be sure to research where it is from."_ Feeling a hot breath on the back of her neck and calloused hands delicately wrapping around her waist; Liara is jolted from her thoughts.

A stubbled chin is placed on her shoulder and Liara relaxes into his body; a familiar feeling of contentment returning.

"Hello Shepard." Liara responds though a smile, resting her hands on top of his and leaning into his embrace. "I love this part of the presidium, it reminds me of home."

Gently snaking his hand up the Asari's body and nudging her chin to allow him easier passage to her mouth; Shepard delicately kisses Liara. Looking into her eyes and sensitively stroking her cheek he whispers "No matter what happens... I love you."

Feeling Shepard back away from her, Liara immediately misses his presence. The bird that had interested her before caught her gaze again.

Struggling to reach the nectar; the bird seemed in some distress. The vibrant blue and yellow colourings were slowly turning darker as the bird's motions became more subdued. Dropping to the flower bed beneath it; black as onyx, the bird drew its last breath.

Gasping, Liara threw her hands up to her mouth as she watch the scene around her unfold. The flowers began to wither and die; filling the presidium with a stench of decomposition. Fires began to burn, dancing dangerously around the quickly dying plants.

Horrified, Liara turned to find her love but was greeted by a different landscape.

Piles of bodies littered the streets, gunfire all around. Bloodcurdling screams and cries for help bombarded her from every direction she faced.

In the distance a lone reaper stood tall, carving a passage of destruction with every fire of its laser. Reducing buildings, homes and people to nothing but ash. Guarding a beam of light, it left nothing standing in its path.

Movement ahead drew Liara's attention; Shepard stepped into view, clutching a gaping wound in his abdomen. His face was dark with dirt; bloodied and bruised. His other arm was missing, half of his armour infused into his skin.

Dropping to his knees, cybernetic scars started opening up all over his features.

"Shepard!" Liara cried out, trying to run towards her love but she was anchored in the same position. The more she fought, the more resistance she met.

The eyes that once looked at her with so much love, confidence and determination, were glowing red; filled with pain and fear. He was terrified.

With a cough Shepard cried out; "Liara, help me. Please!" Bringing a bloodied arm away from his torso he reached out for the Asari.

In the distance, Liara could see the reaper arming its laser; "Hold on Shepard, I'm coming!" Fighting against her invisible restraints, she tried desperately to reach her love.

"You were supposed to save me Liara... Why couldn't you save me?" A blinding red flash engulfed Shepard's body and Liara watched him incinerate before her very own eyes.

"Shepard!" Liara screamed waking up with a start in front of her private terminal.

Taking a few breaths to regain her composure she adjusts to her surroundings, immediately being drawn to the metal plaque sitting on her desk.

_"I should have stayed with him." _She thought, her eyes welling up with tears.

Staring at the plaque, her thoughts drifted off to older, happier times.

_"After all of this... What happens to us?" Liara asks nervously, trying to avoid eye contact with Shepard; fearing what response he had._

_"I don't know... Marriage, old age and a lot of little blue children."_

Snapping out of her daydream, she opens a pill box full of stims and proceeds to take two of them.

"I have to find him."

**Meanwhile on the Citadel...**

What was once the heart of the galaxy; of all politics and galactic trade was now in ruin. Filled with rubble, debris and rotting corpses; the stench was overwhelming.  
Minimal life support functions had been fixed; however the destruction of some areas was so vast, it would take years to repair.

Closing in on the location of the destroyed crucible, a small group of alliance marines warily made there way through the lack of gravity.

"If my analysis of the data is correct, we should be getting close to the target." Said a lanky male marine, lurking at the back of the group.

"Whatever you say Doc.. Lets run a few scans" said a short and stocky female, who activated her omni-tool.  
"Ah-ha. I think we hit the jackpot goons... Ah dammit looks like we will have to move some debris. Rain, work your blue magic!"

A tall slender woman moved to the front of the group "As you wish KP". She gave the stocky female a not-so-subtle wink and a sultry grin, then fired a ball of blue light from her hand and threw a big, stone column out of the way.

KP slowly ventured forward, omni-tool ahead; "That's my girl. Those who say Asari are the best biotics don't know shit. Right, judging by this, the target should be a few feet ahead. Can you see anything Luci?".

A tall muscular man flipped down an orange coloured visor on his helmet; "Scanning... There. He's over there."

The group cautiously moved forward; weapons withdrawn and headed for their target. After they saw there was no threat they waved for the lanky man hiding in the background to come forward.

He slowly inched his way towards the target; trying to keep his footing on the unsteady ground. He came across a badly injured body; burns covered most of the exposed flesh that hadn't had armour melded onto the skin. Several deep wounds were visible with broken bones protruding from the battered body. He grabbed a limp wrist; "No pulse... He's cold. Been dead a while by the looks of things."

"Shit, Belle's gonna be pissed." KP said before activating her comm; "Target down but secure. Here's our coordinates. Yes ma'am. Paige out."  
"ETA of shuttle is 10 minutes goons, get him out of there. We are to stay here undercover."

"What can they possibly want with him, he's a mess?" Rain said lifting some smaller debris off of the targets legs.

"We brought him back once... We'll do it again." The lanky doctor said discreetly pulling out a suppressed pistol.  
"Cerberus thanks you for your hard work." In three successive shots, the marines fell to the ground.  
He stepped over the fallen marines, nudging their bodies out of his path.

Staring at the broken body underneath him he activated his comm; "Shepard has been recovered. Send the shuttle for extraction. Cain out."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_**12 hours later...**_

A blaze of sunlight slowly creeps its way up the horizon; bathing the luscious scenery in golden hues.

Taking the last sip from his drink, Garrus Vakarian stares poignantly out of the window of the observation deck. Reaching for the bottle of Turian brandy located on the table in front of him; he releases a frustrated sigh when he realises the contents have already been emptied into his melancholy frame.

_"We're a team Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian so you better remember to duck."  
"Goodbye Garrus. And if I'm up there in that bar and you're not, I'll be looking down. I'll always have your back."_

Hearing the door behind him open; the Turian returns the empty bottle back to the table and faces the direction of the unwanted visitor.

"Hey scars... You look a bit lost. Must have something to do with not being able to calibrate anything..?" Vega says mockingly; a tired smile evident on his strained features.

His mandibles flickering slightly, Garrus followed the marine with his burdened eyes as he made his way to sit on an opposing sofa. "Yeah... With the whole drive core being offline, it does kind of ruin a guys plans." The Turian responded weakly.

Noticing Vega had spotted the empty liquor bottle, the Turian was somewhat abashed and fidgeted; shamefully looking away from the marine.

Realising Garrus' discomfort; Vega picked up the bottle and began examining the label. "Hey, I have something a lot stronger in my secret stash... If you're interested?"

Keeping his vision firmly fixed away from the marine, Garrus remained silent.

"It's hard you know..." Vega continued, returning the bottle to its original position. "Saying goodbye."

Slowly exhaling; he ran a hand through his Mohawk, trying to find the words to ease his comrades suffering. "Loco... He helped me a lot. I wouldn't be half the marine if it weren't for him. I miss him, man. He was like a brother to me. You don't have to feel bad about having a drink to honour his memory. Hell, if he was here he would be drinking us both under the table!"

Noticing the mandibles of the turian gently clicking again, the marine relaxed; knowing his attempts were somewhat working.

"I know you guys go way back... But I do have some good news which will cheer you up."

Perking up; the turian curiously returned his glazed over look to Vega; a sly grin adorning the marines features. "And what would that be James?"

Standing up from the sofa; Vega made his way towards the rooms exit. Turning back to the turian he responded; "You can get back to your calibrating soon. Engineer Adams reckons the drive core will be up and running soon... Come get me if you'd like to pop open some _real_ alcohol and have a proper party."

With a nod to his comrade, the marine exited the room; releasing a contended sigh as the door closed behind him. "Wasn't as good as Loco's pep talks... But it was alright. Maybe I do have it in me after all."

* * *

"The Asari councillor has sent out a distress call from her personal spaceship. It would appear she survived the attack on the citadel." Bobbing around Liara's head the info drone said excitedly.

Running a perplexed hand over her tired eyes, the Asari swatted the drone who was invading her private space. "Forward it to Asari command glyph."

Releasing an exhausted moan; the Asari grappled at a coffee cup sitting in front of her. _"Cold."_ She thought as she circled its contents under her scrutiny.

Sluggishly lifting her weary body from her chair; the Asari rubbed her aching neck and made her way out of her cabin. Ensuring there were no occupants in the mess hall outside; she made her way to the kitchenette.

Turning on the coffee machine; the Asari felt a fierce rumble coming from her stomach. _"Perhaps I should eat something... Quickly. I do not want to miss any news."_

Reluctantly opening the food store; Liara picked up a strange looking, curved, yellow fruit. _"Fascinating... I wonder what this is." _  
Curiously staring at the fruit; the Asari brought it to her mouth and proceeded to take a bite out of it. Allowing the flavour to soak into her taste buds, she began to make her conclusions of the fruit.

"That's a banana... And you usually peel it before eating, just so you know." Humour evident in her voice; Specialist Traynor remarked as she entered the mess hall.

A small blush slowly forming on the unusually gaunt cheeks of the Asari she replied "Oh... I wondered why it was bitter and quite hard to chew."

After peeling the banana the Asari took another bite; a satisfied smile arriving on her blue lips.

"There is new correspondence available at the private messages terminal."

Her eyes darting to her cabin; Liara grabbed her coffee and dashed past Traynor to get to her cabin and check her unread messages.

Desperately fumbling at her private terminal; she eagerly opened the message she had been waiting for;

_**From: Operative Hykhail  
To: Redacted**_

Shadow Broker, per your instructions I have contacted you about information with regards to Commander Shepard.  
A small group of alliance marines were found murdered in the crucible explosion site. They were excavating and appear to have uncovered a body. DNA testing confirms this as Commander Shepard. Blood analysis confirms Shepard was KIA, but his body is missing.  
Furthermore, this group of marines were flagged with potential Cerberus involvement.

I'll keep digging,  
H

_"Why would they want Shepard's body?"_ Liara thought; a look of horror engulfing her fatigued face. _"Unless... Goddess no."_  
She quickly typed away at her console.

**_From: Redacted_**

**_To: M. Lawson_**

I need you to uncover everything you can on the Lazarus project. Can Cerberus still access the data?

They have Shepard.

L.

After sending the message, the Asari leaned back in her chair; dismayed at what she had learnt.

_"You returned to me once... I won't stop until I have you again..."_


End file.
